Alright this behavious is commendable because you heeded my advice!! Haha I am so happy. Now we shall all realise that not saying anything and letting things just hand in mid air is not going to change anything. Actually it is going to change somethings but not in a positive way, only in an adverse way. Therefore let's settle this OK?

Now, *Publishes*(we are choosing to keep things annonymous right?) has already posted his/her(I am keeping everything annonymous) feelings in the previous entry so let's all do the same. I know that X(aka Mrs X aka ME) and eunice(so much for staying annonymous) and 4:12(there wasn't any name mahs) has already posted, so everybody should follow their example and post too!! I think that Mrs X deserves special recognition as he /she was the first person to post, so a round of applause please!!

Alright, back to serious business. This thing is so depressing, I feel sick mans. Especially since my oral is on Monday. So if some of us don't want to talk this out face to face, why don't we use this blog as a channel of communication for the time being? Then when the waves have settled(so poetic) we can then discuss this together as mature and sensible grown-ups. Although some of us still cannot watch NC16 shows, it doesn't matter.

Now that *Publishes* has made her stand, let's hear the rest. Then we can all hear both sides of the story and we don't have to assume here and assume there. That is so much better. So will Oddgeypie(?) and Beautifulhair(?????) and 4:12 and eunice and Synchronised Swimming Siqi please also come here to post? I have already informed you about all this so don't come and tell me,"Sorry Mrs X, I forgot to do my homework." That is totally not acceptable.

I realise this entry is 90% crap lahs, so please forgive me. 4:12 has just come online so I must hurry up post this.

Mrs X
(rocks)

ps. SSS(in case u dno u izzit, read the top) says to stop all this getting irritating. sth liddat. yeps.

I never told anyone about why there's the cold war between sexcaws. Coz no one ever asked. Audrey did and I was glad. Let's get straight to the point, sorry for not telling you guys the situation earlier.

It all started during the June holidays. I had my back injuries, and I have a great feeling that my so called 'friends' have thought I have faked my injuries or something. I went back for to do some conditioning and I felt pretty happy about it but when I entered the gym I saw two idiotic stuck up faces staring at me. Then they continued talking like as if I shouldn't have come. Then when I ask one of them whether they could help me with conditioning, they didn't care about what I said. Were they deaf? I don't think I was murmuring you know. They didn't care about it all. Both of them continued their conversation without replying or reacting to what I have said. I was fucking furious ok?

Damn you.

OK. I thought. Maybe I was too self-concious. Maybe I was just overly sensitive. I tried not to care. I tapped on one of their shoulders to get their attention and in my mind i was thinking, 'hey, i'm here, i want someone to help me here. The coaches are not here, i wonder why. But hey, I want to do some conditioning. I need help. CAN'T YOU TWO JUST LISTEN TO ME? FREAKS'. At last, one of them turned their head. DUH. (if they didn't i will just walk out). And she followed. RELUCTANTLY.

DAMN it. Was I a criminal and that you guys have to treat me like that? Who the hell do you think you are? Am i an INSECT that you can't see or hear me? I can't believe I once considered you as a FRIEND. You don't deserve anything and I don't think I should expect you. You bloody spoiled my day. DAmn you freaks.

ZZ

Fine, i wnet home after that. I tried not to care about it. And why didn't I ask them why they were so hostile towards me? Coz You see, they didn't even welcome me back, they didn't even wanna help me with anything. They just think i'm there to decorate the walls. Hey, why should I even talk to them? Few days passed, I guess. The other reason why I was reluctant to go for training was also because, Do they even care if I went? I don't think so. I hate it. I went to the sports council instead. Coz i thought the people there were more understanding.

During the R.gym competitions. I went, with 3 other people. And you should guess what happened. I don't know whether they think that i'm non-existant or what. They don't care whether I'm there or not. I'm just tagging along. They are the group of friends, i'm just at the side. Fuck it. I hate this feeling. No one cares, they just chat and talk and chat like as if everyone was happy. I wasn't mind you. Damn you I wasn't. When I went to the toilet, I went alone. Like as if I was the loser of the group. I went to the milo van as if I was the only one in the whole wide world who needn't company, luckily the rythmics were happy to go with me. I can't believe it. My so called 'friends' are just not friends. They suck. You know? If you had this kindda friends you should just break off and stop this stupid friendship. Anyway, when the other one needed to go to the toilet, coincidentally the other other one also needed to go to the toilet. I didn't wanna tell them where the toilet was, i felt they were just using me as a map. I'm NOT A MAP DAMN YOU. I gave them vague replies. I couldn't stand them anymore.

Maybe I wasn't close to them, considering they walk home by the same route and all. But it doesn't mean you can just shove me aside and make me feel like a FREAKING LOSER BEING THROWN OUT OF THE MENTAL HOSPITAL. I feel like the one who only tags along, and doesn't actually get pulled into conversations as such. I'm just there as if I was being sympatised. I HATE, I BLOODY HATE THIS FUCKING FEELINg. DAMN YOU I'M HUMAN. DAMN YOU ALL

I've had had enough. I broke off. I thought it was the best thing. Because everything seemed so pressurings for me. It's like someone who isn't friends with anyone. A loner. Hey, i can't believe the cap would have no friends, no friends to support her. I can't believe it. START LAUGHING? So I had to be hostile, because that's the only time to vent my frustrations. Why would I choose to vent it on people who doesn't care a single shit about my feelings? NONE! So why should I care. Why? Why must I be always the one who is trying to fit in? Why? I don't know. I hate all of you. That's the only thing now.

After everything, i spent more time on people who treasure me. Now I have people who really knows that I EXIST. People who I can count as friends. People who know that I'm existing. People who counts me in and doesn't leave anyone out. They are friends who I think are the best people in the world. UNLIKE SOME ASSHOLES. My life is much simpler now, much more happy. Why should I talk to people who doesn't think I exist? So this is my story. You guys might have a different one. Then go ahead, tell them behind my backs. I know you guys are just doing that. Maybe that's also the reason why I don't really encourage myself. When I'm with you guys, i'm just inside the shell, waiting for someone to bring me out. I just wanna know that there is someone there for me. And that made me believe that I was just another lonely freak. I didn't, until I found my group of friends. But I was pretty angry that one of the ASSES are also sticking around my friends. Yes, i'm angry because she is there. And she just reminds me of all the shit things that you guys did to me. It reminds me of EVERYTHING.

So now i'm planning to break off all ties. Maybe you should disband sexcaws as well. Or make it something else? Coz I think i'm just there to fit into the words so that the words make abit of sense. I don't think i'm there because you guys really think I'm worth it there.

Well. That's all I guess. Maybe you guys should be happy that the 4 years of friendship (OR TORTURE) has ended. And thanks for making me stronger as well. To be able to laugh and smile when things are so wrong. Thanks alot?

*Publishes*